I’ve kept quiet about this for a while, but now it’s time to be open and honest.

Okay, it’s not that sinister. Allow me to explain.

Nearly two years ago now, I completed work on my fifth novel, Forbidden Shores. And I was super proud of the story I’d written, but unfortunately I just didn’t have the funds to publish it alone.

After hiring an editor, proofreader, formatter, etc., I couldn’t justify the costs of funding yet another novel when my previous novels combined hadn’t earned me over a tenner. In all fairness, I’d listed the ebooks for free, as for me, writing has never been about making money from it. Would I love to write for a living? Of course, who wouldn’t want to do what they love and get paid for it? But to me, writing has always been an escape, a therapy.

I’ve never been interested in the business side of it (or the marketing side for that matter), but I still wanted to share my stories with the world. And I’m so glad I didn’t keep them to myself. My fourth novel, North Paradise (indie published), went on to receive rave reviews and currently sits at a cushy 4.3 out of 5 on Amazon, 20,000 orders, and 1.2k ratings later. Not bad going considering it was written on an extremely tight budget at a time when (admittedly) I had no clue what I was doing when it came to publishing.

It wasn’t all fine and dandy though. For starters, the book had been on sale for two months before I realised the manuscript, which had been distributed, was an unedited version which had somehow found its way into my ‘final’ folder. It was a flurry of reviews which commented on the poor grammar, which initially got me wondering. Either my proofreader had sold me down the river or I’d ballsed something up during the submission.

Unsurprisingly, it was the latter.

But the reviews all seemed to say a similar thing: whilst the poor grammar was a distraction (well, it would have been, it was an unedited manuscript written by a dyslexic author – you can imagine!), people seemed to really enjoy the story, someone even calling it ‘the best story about a serial killer they’ve read!’

I suppose they say you learn from your mistakes, and it goes without saying that I didn’t want to make that mistake again.

So when it came to my next book, I took a step back and reassessed my situation, weighed up my options. And after much consideration, I decided to submit my manuscript to some traditional houses as well as a few literary agents.

Naturally, I received a few rejections. Until I didn’t.

I’ll never forget the feeling; receiving my first acceptance letter from a traditional publishing house. I could begin to dream bigger: like walking into a brick-and-mortar bookshop and seeing my novel on the shelf, or doing my first book signing. Maybe even a movie one day? Well, you’ve gotta have a big vision, right?

I was on cloud nine. Not only did they want to publish my submission, but also made an offer on my WIP too! Audiobooks included! I couldn’t sign the contract quick enough! It felt too good to be true!

Because it was.

Sort of.

Firstly, I’d like to say, the aim of this post is not to criticise the publishing house or the way they go about their business. Their process will work like clockwork for some – in fact I have a few fellow authors who enjoy working in this way – I am merely reflecting on my own experience and the transition from indie to trad.

And as soon as I’d submitted my final manuscript to them for editors, I began to realise this method of publishing was very different from indie.

Now, I’m not sure if this is how lots of other traditionally published authors feel, but I can’t lie, when I submitted my manuscript, I felt a strange sense that I was giving it up. Like I was handing it over to someone else and allowing them to rush off with it, to do with it as they please.

It didn’t prove to be quite like that, but my initial worries weren’t a million miles off either.

The feeling of no control over my book was still very much there, and it made me feel uneasy. I’d never put anything out that I hadn’t overseen every step of the way before.

Firstly, one thing I hadn’t anticipated was how much longer everything would take. My first manuscript was with my new publisher for over six months before I received anything back. And what came back from the editor was the bare minimum to say the least. How can there only be eight tracked changes in a 125,000-word novel? Eight?!

Alrighty then.

Part of our agreement was that when a manuscript is returned after edits, the author has a week to return the final submission. So, stupidly (and because this was all still very new), I went through the changes and sent back the manuscript, expecting to wait another six months to receive the formatted copy.

Things started to pick up in speed after that, however.

Within a week, I received both the formatted ebook and print copies of my book. Finally, things were starting to get moving!

A few days after accepting the formatting, my cover arrived. I was in America at the time, so I didn’t see it at first. But when I got home and brought it up on my Mac, I can’t lie, my initial feeling was, ew.

I didn’t like it at all. It was too bright and shiny for a dark romance thriller.

But again, this could have just been me being new to it all. With my indie publishing, one thing I always took care of myself was my covers. I studied design for four years, so I always felt confident in my book covers, and I also liked having complete control.

So I knew to trust my gut when I opened my cover file to take a look.

The first word that sprang to mind was not awful or a disaster. It wasn’t that bad. It was just…uninspiring. Something I was worried would be ignored on a bookshelf. But looking at it, I was starting to cast doubts on my dream of seeing it on a bookshelf at all.

Naturally, I went back with my feedback, but I didn’t want to be too full-on. Again (and I’ll keep saying it), I was new to this. These guys were the experts, not me. They knew marketing, I didn’t (don’t). So I had to trust that this cover had been designed to be eye-catching and spark a potential reader’s interest. So after a few tweaks, we went with it.

Within a week – without any warning, and certainly no pre-order window – the book was on sale. I was checking the latest ranking of North Paradise when I noticed a new title listed under my name. And there it was: Forbidden Shores, available to be read.

I thought, wow! I best get some social media done and start promoting this thing!

So, that’s what I did. And to their credit, the publisher got to work on the marketing too.

And I kept going and going with sending out posts on Twitter, Instagram, newsletters, you name it.

Less than twelve months on, I can now comfortably say the book fell into Amazon’s endless abyss of forgotten titles. Even now, it sits with five ratings and four stars, no written reviews. And God knows I’ve tried to promote it.

But this isn’t a rant. I’ve not written this blog post to beg people to feel sorry for me. This is just me telling you the story of my writing journey into traditional publishing, and what happened.

Perhaps this had been one of those books which hadn’t found the right readers yet. Perhaps it needed a little more patience. So I continued to market it, all whilst getting my next novel ready for the publisher, to go again.

I was really excited for this one. It was my first step into science fiction and fantasy – two genres I’ve loved to read since I was a kid. I’d been working on this project for a long time in many of its different forms before I found my way to what I submitted. Nineteen Minutes to Midnight was pretty much everything sci-fi or fantasy which inspired me growing up poured into a mental mixing bowl, and was the result of what I’d created. I was so proud of my final manuscript, and I couldn’t wait to share it with the world.

I submitted it to the publisher in the hope that last time was a bit of a blip, and that I’d hear back much sooner this time.

Weeks turned into months.

Once again, I had to chase up progress, and each time the email read something like: we’ll be in touch when there’s an update.

All I could do was sit tight, and carry on writing. So that’s what I did.

Until one day, about SEVEN months later, I checked my inbox and there it was – the email I’d longed for from the publisher. I was ready to drop everything (I only had a week to return my manuscript after checking the edits), but as soon as I read the email, my stomach turned into a pit of dread.

My manuscript hadn’t come back, but I could see there was progress. The publisher informed me they thought this book would do better if it was in two parts. Split down the middle. The email basically told me I had a choice: either agree to the split and rework the manuscript so it could work over two parts, or go with the one manuscript but it would ‘be difficult for our team to market as a standalone’.

Initially, I told them I wasn’t crazy about splitting the book into two. That it wasn’t written that way and that’s not how I intended readers to read it. In response, they reiterated that they couldn’t market the book as well if it were one. Their plan was to ultimately put the books (including any future sequels) into a collection and sell them as box sets.

Again, I know nothing about marketing, and I was sure they wanted the book to do well just as much as I did. Perhaps more so. Unlike indie publishing, traditional publishing, thus far, hadn’t cost me a penny.

I went away and thought about it long and hard. The thought of Forbidden Shores, which had seemingly fallen into Amazon’s abyss of lost books, echoed loudly in my head. I really didn’t want the same thing to happen to Nineteen Minutes to Midnight. Nothing I’d written before meant more to me than this book. This book was something that my younger self would have picked up and become obsessed with, and I was confident enough in the story to believe that people would come to love the characters just as much as I did, and enjoy the adventure I’d written.

I remember a few days later thinking: what if?

What if I stuck to my guns and said: NO, this was written as ONE book and should be read as such.

What if.

But I couldn’t shake the curiosity. Remember what I said about knowing nothing about marketing? These guys were the experts. And despite the disappointment of Forbidden Shores, something was telling me that I’d never forgive myself if the same thing happened again and I’d never gone with the publisher’s advice. But I wanted there to be one condition. The first book (or part 1) should be free.

I agreed to the split, and got to work on some extensive rewrites.

Looking back now, I wish I’d kicked curiosity in the sodding arse.

The publisher’s process from there was very much the same as before. I wrote the rewrites, resubmitted TWO manuscripts as separate books and they were published days apart. I even liked the covers!

Finally, the novel I’d always wanted to write, but had never had the courage to type a single word until now, was on sale. Albeit in two parts: Nineteen Minutes to Midnight (OG title) and the new part 2, Gone Midnight.

And, as agreed, the first book (or part one, as in my head it was still very much one book) was free to read.

I was really excited to see what people thought – if they’d love the world I’d built in my head. The anticipation was unbearable!

Talk about a lead balloon.

The first reviews came in for Nineteen Minutes to Midnight. There were positives. There were. People liked the characters. They were invested in their adventure. Music to my ears.

But there was one common complaint.

My biggest fears had come true. Despite the book being free, readers were feeling ‘cheated’ that they were only getting half a story. Even the most positive reviews mentioned that it was a shame that it ended where it did.

It was soul-destroying to read, and I still think it’s one of my biggest confidence setbacks since beginning my writing career.

In indie publishing, I’d always trusted my gut. In my writing, I’d always trusted my gut. I should have trusted my gut here too.

But I didn’t.

Hearing people felt ‘cheated’ by a piece of work you poured your heart and soul into is the toughest of tough pills to swallow. Remember when I said at the beginning of this post that writing was an escape, that it was never about the money? Well, this wasn’t fun anymore. One review (and this is what stung the most) said that they enjoyed the book and were invested in the characters, but the fact it was split in half put them off ever reading any of my books again.

Ouch.

Call me naïve, but I hadn’t anticipated the prospect of it damaging my reputation as an author. I don’t know why I hadn’t. After all, it’s my sodding name on the cover! But reading that felt like a sucker punch. The last thing I ever want to do is come across as a conman. Someone who is dangling a carrot in front of the reader’s eye just so they feel forced into buying book 2 to find out what happens in the end.

The reviews were/are justified. It was never supposed to be read like this. I wouldn’t be happy either.

I won’t lie, it would have stung ever-so-slightly less if the book had received a similar reception to North Paradise. A good number of reviews and people enjoyed the story. But how could I expect readers to review it when they felt like they were only reading half a book?

Once again, I don’t want to criticise the publisher for asking me to make this decision. I’m sure they only had the book’s best interests in mind. But what initially felt like a partnership when I first signed the deal was quickly starting to feel like my opinion against theirs.

I’ll say it again: I can write books. I can get them in front of readers apparently – North Paradise is a prime example of that. But I’m not an expert at marketing books. And I’d never done sci-fi before. Was this what a lot of the books did? For the answers I craved, I went to my handy pal, who is always there in my time of need: Reddit. Apparently, cliffhanger endings in sci-fi were a huge turn-off with the majority of answers I read.

I know, I know, this is something I should have researched before making my decision. But after waiting seven months, and really feeling like I was in a corner, under pressure to make a decision, I ultimately made a bad choice.

I hand on heart would have preferred Nineteen Minutes to Midnight to have been read by no one than read by anyone who felt cheated by the way it ended. Please take this as my apology.

It wasn’t all bad though. A few weeks after release, I noticed Nineteen Minutes was number one in two of its three categories. Yay! Perhaps some people didn’t mind the split. Perhaps the majority of people didn’t. But as I write this now, the book has been out for nearly four months. It’s got eight ratings, and part two only has three.

It looks like this big marketing plan doesn’t seem to have worked. At least not for these books. Which is a bit of a stinker because I really do love the story, characters, and I have big plans for the world I’ve started to build.

The original idea was to write it as a trilogy; books one and two to be one book with two more books to follow. I intend to carry on and write the other two books to complete the story, as demotivating as the (un)success of books one…and two have been.

The thing about traditional publishing is I have no idea how well the book is doing in terms of sales. I don’t know how many orders it has had, how many pages have been read. I know nothing.

But worst of all, I can’t edit any of the book’s details to at least put in the description that this story is split into two books. Something I could do quite easily if I’d indie published it. Then again, if I’d indie published it in the first place, I wouldn’t have ended up in this mess.

Like I say, a difficult pill to swallow.

It’s not all doom and gloom though. I had a third and final book on my agreement. My latest thriller, and a return to crime: One Step Closer. I was super proud of this book. I don’t think I’ve ever written a story with so many twists!

I submitted the manuscript, probably with a face which looked like I was chewing a wasp.

Six months passed. Nothing from the publisher.

I chased up, expecting the manuscript to randomly land in my inbox on the following Tuesday afternoon or something. But no. This time I got a different response. Instead of “ we’ll update you when there’s an update,” I got: “ we’re focussing on marketing at the moment, so there is a long delay on new titles.”

It’s a good job I don’t write for a career because I’d be down the job centre on my knees by now. Since signing my contract with the publisher, to now it’s been nearly two years.

I haven’t received a penny for any of my books.

Now, I’m not saying the publisher is refusing to pay me or anything. Absolutely not, and I want to make that clear. It could well be that my royalties need to be at a certain amount before I get paid. Fair enough, this happens with some distributors in indie publishing as well. Draft2Digital have a limit before they will pay out, for example. It’s how it works, and I’ve got no quarrels with it.

But if books are on Amazon, on the shelf (still dreaming), then I, as the author, stand a chance of getting paid. I don’t stand a chance if my unpublished work is sat in someone’s inbox doing nothing because of a ‘long delay’. Again, it’s not about making money, but I wanted to make the point in case any authors considering traditional publishing are reading this blog post.

So, I made a decision. Because of the ‘long delay’, I emailed my publisher asking if there was any chance I could initially indie publish the book and go from there.

It was a long shot. The contract was signed. I owed them this book. Another one destined for the abyss. Ugh!

But to my surprise, they were cool with it. In fact, I’ve since had the rights signed back to me. They were really professional about my situation, and I can’t fault them for that.

I was giddy with excitement. One Step Closer was mine to indie publish. I could release it when I wanted, design my own cover, have it edited by my trusted editor and proofreader. The works. The audiobook is even in production. Something that hasn’t even begun with my first traditionally published novel, Forbidden Shores. Yes, I needed to fund it all, but at this point, I’d learned the hard way that this was the route for me. So, with the release of One Step Closer, I’m also making my long-awaited return to indie publishing. And it feels great!

That doesn’t mean to say I’ve given up on my traditionally published work. Far from it. I will continue to market my other books as best as I know how. But it goes without saying that I will be indie publishing my future work.

Looking back (and it’s not easy to say), traditionally publishing my books has been a huge mistake. It just hasn’t worked for me. I didn’t like the feeling of giving away my work, having minimal say in things like formatting, cover art, and having no say in when it comes out. All stuff which has contributed to my brand as an author over the years – a brand which I continue to evolve day after day.

For some authors, not having the stress of needing to worry about things like formatting, funding an editor or a proofreader, not having to upload and distribute the (correct) final files themselves, sounds like bliss.

For me though, it’s all part of the joy of indie publishing. A joy I’ve missed, but a joy I’m glad to experience again.

The dream of seeing my book in a brick-and-mortar bookshop will have to remain just that: a dream.

For now, at least.

Thanks for reading! I hope this post helps if you’re an aspiring author trying to figure out which way to go.

Alex.